Music and Breaking

Billboard Charts: April 25, 2010

1. Help I'm Alive (The Twelves Remix) - Metric new! P:1 W:1 18

2. Heavy Cross (Fred Falke Remix) - The Gossip same P:1 W:4 45

3. Hide and Seek (Tiesto Iso Remix) - Imogen Heap down 2 P:1 W:3 38

4. Alligator (Passion Pit Remix) - Tegan & Sara up 2 P:4 W:2 22

5. Flashback - Calvin Harris ft. Ayah new! P:5 W:1 195

6. Bad Romance - Lady GaGa down 3 P:3 W:4 240

7. Map (Elite Force Remix) - YYYs down 2 P:5 W:4 78

8. Just Dance - Lady GaGa down 4 P:4 W:3 132

9. Dance In The Dark - Lady GaGa same P:9 W:3 145

10. It's Too Late - Dirth South vs. Evermore new! P:10 W:1 14

Boiling Under:

Telephone - Lady GaGa

Feel It In My Bones - Tiesto ft. Tegan & Sara

Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha ft. 3oh!3

Believe - Cher

Starstrukk - 3oh!3 ft. Katy Perry

Music is based on some dance songs that I have recently found. Lady GaGa will probably have a resurgence next week.

So I am trying something. I am ignoring Matthew Sunderland.I want our friendship to fade. I am going to try my hardest to ignore him, and not engage him as a friend or equal. He does not deserve my friendship. He has never done anything to earn my friendship. I began it as a means to incorporate it into the theatre, and to explore my options. He didn't help me gain friends, nor has he given me anything in my life save for a few spaced Dr. Pepper's and grief. I am done. I am not going to confront him. I am just going to avoid him and be civil but distant. This probably won't work, but I am going to try.

I want this semester to proceed. I want this show to go up and all go well. I am far too worn out. BUT JAMIKA IS COMING AND IT'S GOING TO BE F*ING AMAZING! WOOOT SAUCE!

Worn and Torn. But still Bright!

Let's just say I am a tad bit worn out.

There are two people who won't just leave me alone. I am a social person, I like to spend a lot of time around people. I also hope that if I have ever get annoying people would tell me. But I would really like some breathing room at times.

First there is Sunderland. The damned fly won't go away. I don't even make an attempt to pay attention to him anymore and he is everywhere. I can't escape him. He just pesters and belittles and bothers and I just want to squish him. He is probably the most skilled annoyance that I have ever met. My nonexistent god!

Then there is Brenna... I feel bad saying this, but I am spending too much time with her. She and I have gotten close, but she wants to go everywhere and do everything with me. I love spending time with her, but I also like to have some alone time. But we are always together and I think it's partly my fault. She gets attached and I enjoy that attachment. I just need a little space... And I feel like a douche for think about that.

I want to spend time with other people. I haven't seen Amanda even that much. It has just been those two really. Alessa spend more time at the theatre! No, it's okay. I won't wish that upon you. Thank again the nonexistent god that Jamika is coming down... I might go more nuts than I already am. I need a foil!!!!

All that sounded rather petty, I'm sure. Sorry!

Oh and the play sucks now. My eye candy dropped the play for a jazz solo, and I have never hated the music department more. I was grumpy all evening. Will loses his pizazz after you spend forty billion hours with the fellow.

Merp. Disdainful staring.

I also sort of hate being gay sometimes. Not because I hate being gay, I as usual get depressed at the lack of men. Going to fusion events makes me feel inadequate as person. Can I go and hit happy couples? (SAVE ALESSA) MARGH!

Alright I am done. I really have nothing bad going on. I just like blogging too much. Love, my beloved people. Yeah Redundancy!

Billboard 4/17

Hot 1o:
1. Hide and Seek (Tiesto Iso Remix) - Imogen Heap 18 up 9 P:1 W:2
2. Heavy Cross (Fred Falke Remix) - The Gossip 35 down 1 P:1 W:3
3. Bad Romance - Lady GaGa 236 up 3 P:3 W:3
4. Just Dance - Lady GaGa 129 up 5 P:4 W: 2
5. Maps (Elite Force Remix) YYY's 76 same P:5 W:3
6. Alligator (Passon Pit Remix) - Tegan & Sara 5 new! P:6 W:1
7. Starstrukk - 3oh!3 ft. Katy Perry 9 up 1 P:7 W:3
8. Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha ft. 3oh!3 12 down 6 P:3 W:2
9. Dance In The Dark - Lady GaGa 140 return P:9 W:2
10. Believe - Cher 20 new! P:10 W:1

Bubbling Under:
Evacuate The Dancefloor (Radio Edit) - Cascada
Feel It In My Bones - Tiesto ft. Tegan & Sara
Telephone - Lady GaGa & Beyonce

The music of my week. Highly influenced by the Night of Noise Dance Party that occurred last evening. Great fun. Danced for three hours straight, and some theatre people showed for a bit.

School is okay. I don't want to do any work, I have no desire to do anything... Not good. Need to clean room and such.

Blech. But I am still happy, though. And my cast is going to be amazing. Laura, Bree, Ellen, and McKenna. Woot!
Happy Week!

Billboard Music Charts - Week 2

Alternative Top Ten:

1. Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 201

2. Hell - Tegan & Sara 175

3. Zero - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 153

4. Daylight - Matt & Kim 117

5. Soft Shock - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 115

6. Viva la Vida - Coldplay 113

7. Bling (Confession of a King) - The Killers 91

8. When You Where Young - The Killers 86

9. Spaceman - The Killers 79

10. Into The Ocean - Blue October 76

Read My Mind - The Killers

Dull Life - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Dragon Queen - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Hot 10:

1. Heavy Cross (Fred Falke Remix) - Gossip 29 same P:1 W:2

2. Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha ft. 3oh!3 5 New! P:2 W:1

3. Telephone - Lady GaGa & Beyonce 109 down 1 P:2 W:2

4. Every Breath You Take - The Police 1 New! P:4 W:1

5. Maps (Elite Force Remix) - YYY's 71 down 2 P:3 W:2

6. Bad Romance - Lady GaGa 231 up 1 P:6 W:2

7. Boom Boom Boom - Vengaboys 1 New! P:7 W:1

8. Starstrukk - 3oh!3 ft. Katy Perry 5 up 2 P:8 W:2

9. Just Dance - Lady GaGa 127 New! P:9 W:1

10. Hide and Seek (Tiesto Remix) - Imogen Heap 3 New! P:10 W:1

Boiling Under:

Evacuate The Dancefloor (Radio Edit) - Cascada

Feel It In My Bones (feat. Tegan and Sara) - Tiesto

So I like to make lists about music. I really like going to Billboard and looking at the charts. Mostly to see how my Lady is doing, but also just to look at the numbers. So I am going to try to do this each week to gage my music. The top list is based on the play numbers in my itunes, and the bottom list is based on play numbers as well as personal importance. I had a lot of fun making the chart. So I am going to make a mini-billboard. You guys can chime in with your own music, and we can have a voting thing! Or not. I just like making the charts!

Auditions are tomorrow. Finally. Alessa, watch out for Sunderland. He really wants Chris. I told him to do everything in his power to comprise his choices, but as usual he will probably ignore my advice. I will aid you as I can, but this is a fight that I wouldn't wish on anyone. We will see what goes down. But I am here for you girl. We will talk tomorrow.

I want a good cast! I am just happy they are happening. This waiting has been killing me.

Zaida, I am so excited that your show is going well! I wish we could all see it. Rock, girl!

Kristina, you petty thief! I like you!

Chloe, I comprehended this time. You seemed to be having a rave of a time in Japan. Don't go too crazy on making friends. It is said you only can remember two hundred people really, and you seem to have fifty alone in your first few weeks...

Jamika, WAAHH, I's wants yous heres!!! I hope all is okay.

Ke$ha, get out of my head!

Hogswash!

Grrr... Why does everyone need to be crappy in April? Spring weariness? Lack of sun? I don't know, but I am sure tired of this bull. I am happy god dammit, no matter how much I complain. Why does everyone need to spread their shit around?

First point - Sunderland. (Who else?) Apparently his roommates have basically said that he can't live with him next year. Why? Cause he is Sunderland, and that would wear on anyone. So he asked me today to room with him. Ignoring the disastrous situation that was last year's planning, I had already snagged a Mr. Aerni as a roommate. Sunderland thus proceeded to make me feel like crap for rejecting him, even though I have known that I was living with Jesse for ages. Then he goes into how he needs to get a summer job, and that I should room with him on campus. I then bring up the point that Bree will be living illegally with me for a portion of the summer. He then pulls the better friend card on me. Pshaw? When did he think he had the gall to purchase one of those? Bree can be flaky, but at least she doesn't actively treat me like shit, and then expect me to be one her side a day later. This is the same exact bullshit that I get every other week from this boob. Why do I take it? I guess I just like to be punished. I don't know. God I want to punch him.

Second point - Theatrical weird. Nick and Andrew hate Sunderland, and vice-a-versa. Chris Forrer has become emo apparently. Will and Jess are an awkward couple. Chloe is gone. (Poopy, Chloe, poopy.) Ty is done with a majority of students. Janet is utterly apathetic and crazy. Everything is topsy turvy. I don't understand what is in the air. I am having a blast. I get to go shopping with Alethia, be a drag queen with lines in a play, direct something that I am terribly excited about; everything is going great. I even have a new crush. Not anything fancy, but something to preoccupy my fantasies in my gay-less world. People just need to learn how to be better humans. Fail, Fail, Fail.

Ironically I should be doing homework. I need to write my stupid history paper, I have a month, but I have a lot to do... Pshaw... (New favorite word, fyi.)

Alessa- I think Janet might actually recast Pinch, and you are really the only one who is available and capable and she made a point to tell me that she knows you would want it. I vote yes, yes, YES! We would have a scene together! I know you're busy with wedding stuff, but you should totally do it anyway. Time commitment would be minor, and you would have a ball. Hopefully Kriss Morton doesn't show up anytime soon! (I doubt it.)

Let's also talk about friends I have made these last two weeks. Bailey (who is very witty), Paige, Mckenna, Ashleigh. I can get almost any female to be my bossism buddy. I wish I had this skill with men...

A Ke$ha song invaded my life today. I am disappointed with myself... Blah, Blah, Blah...

Sparkle brightly me dear friends. I missth the days of our noon, but I know our stars will align again!

Billboard Music Charts - For Steven Stewart

Top 20 in Itunes

1. Feel It In My Bones : Tiësto ft. Tegan and Sara 268

2. Bad Romance : Lady Gaga 231

3. Lovegame (Chew Fu Ghettohouse Fix) : Lady Gaga ft. Marilyn Manson 230

4. Not Alone (Deadmau5 Remix) : Gianluca Motta ft. Molly 228

5. I Will Be Here : Tiësto & Sneaky Sound System 222

6. Escape Me : Tiësto ft. C.C. Sheffield 220

7. The Longest Road (Deadmau5 Remix) : Morgan Page 218

8. Century : Tiësto ft. Calvin Harris 216

9. You Are My Diamond : Tiësto ft. Kianna 210

10. Heads Will Roll : Yeah Yeah Yeahs 201

11. Fire : Ferry Corsten 200

12. Into the Nightlife : Cyndi Lauper 191

13. Beautiful : Ferry Corsten 182

14. Flashback : Calvin Harris ft. Ayah 177

15. Hell : Tegan and Sara 175

16. Hold On To Me : Armin van Buuren 168

17. Zero : Yeah Yeah Yeahs 153

18. So Happy I Could Die : Lady Gaga 143

19. Allein Allein : Polarkreis 18 138

20: Monster : Lady Gaga 137

Lady Gaga dominates the top fifty along with Tiësto. Amount of times listened to song.

Hot 10:

1. Heavy Cross (Fred Falke Remix) : Gossip 24

2. Telephone : Lady Gaga 108

3. Maps (Elite Force Re-Fix) : Yeah Yeah Yeahs 71

4. Go Your Own Way : The Cranberries 17

5. Real Girl : Mutya Buena 28

6. When Love Takes Over : David Guetta ft. Kelly Rowland 130

7. Bad Romance : Lady Gaga 231

8. Walking On A Dream : Empire of the Sun 125

9. Dance In The Dark : Lady Gaga 137

10. Starstrukk : 30h!3 ft. Katy Perry 2

My current musical fetishes of the week.

I know a lot of this music you guys won't know, but I got bored so yeah! You should do it too. We should have a music exchange! Plus love the alien picture.

Je sais.

So I had something else up, and I meant it, but I have something more, so yeah.

What I meant to do with this blog is express my frustration, not really at relationship issues in general but more at my jealously of the gays on campus who seem to have men be thrown at them. I recently learned that my former roommate got a boy friend. This is his third since coming out. I have been out for three years longer then him, and I know I was far more sure about what it meant to be a gay man well before he did. Yet I am the alone one, and he is able to samooze three guys in a limited amount of time. I don't mean to be critical of him, he is a good guy and deserves a man, it just frustrates me. I made it bigger than it was, I know.

I am... uncomfortable around men. I have limited male friends. Perhaps some of you guys have noticed that I am quite adept at the touching of the female sex. It's how I express my affection, usually the more I touch, the more comfortable I am with you and the more I enjoy being around you. I usually respect boundaries and engage in semi-appropriate behavior, and I sometimes abuse my right, but I mean it only in an affectionate way. If anyone pays really close attention, you would also notice, I never do that men. I mean never. Not even ones that I have formed close bonds that would never amount to a sensual relationship. And I also abhor being touched by others unknowingly, and even when I know, only a select group have that privilege. I don't really understand this.

You may be wondering why this matters, and why I am ranting about this? I think its why I don't engage with men in general save for the exceptions that I have built up the courage and stamina to handle. I think this is why I haven't found someone. I know everyone has been talking about how McMinnville is the crap hole for finding partners, and while I agree, there are people here. I could have tried more to be in Portland. I mean, I went to the most liberal high school in Portland, and yes even though I was an awkward kid, I am sure I could have found something. I had great friends who would have prevented the stigma and would have supported me.

I look at my male friends, and I sigh. I can list them all, and not just casual class going comrades. As of current, I would say; Matt, and the Chris' are my available male friends. Before this year, I would have added Jesse, Bryan, and occasionally the elder Matt. But apparently, Jesse and I were just really convenient and compatible roommates who held no basis for retaining our friendship beyond our mutual female friends, Bryan is off in Korea, and Matt is austere in the way that he handles his friendships. My current list is intriguing in its nature because, lets face it, they are oft effeminate men, no matter how they try to hide it. I have always been friends with the men who sort of acted like girls in the way in which they approached the world and their conflicts in that world.

Sorry for the downpour of emotion and personal mental conflict. Life right now is actually going really well. The play is a hoot, and I am really excited about Vagina monologues. I have amazing people around me. You guys are truly wonderful and I am blessed, not matter where you are or what you are doing, to have you in my life. I just feel like something is missing.

Thanks for listening. I have written so many things this last month, it's ridiculous.

PS:

Zaida: I know, you were the exception to my rule. Tu comprehends. Bother me more. I suck at phone conversationals. People can tell about that. Plus I wish you could be here so we would have a majority in our class and vote Sunderland off the island. Right now, we don't have a majority vote.

Kristina: Smooh. You should dumb down your writing a bit. I feel like I am reading a piece for a Kernberger class. I kid, I kid. Never stop being high minded and articulate. Miss your bod.

Alessa: Keep trunking Gunther. I see you all the time, give you insipiring comment in person, y'a lucky bitch. :)

Emily: I miss your European trotting face. I feel like I need to come kick some froppy French man's ass. First and last time that will be said.

Jamika: What you doing? Haven't heard from you. Lame.

Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.

The letter impossible.

I wanted to express some emotion. I know, cliché on a blog, right? I just have been pondering a lot lately on this issue and it's making me feel somewhat worthless. Flood of emotive talk, go!

I. Hate. Relationships. I don't hate people in relationships or people having relationships. I hate that for some god damned reason I can't seem to find anyone in this world with interest in me as individual. And before some of you guys rush to defend my honor, (Thank you, btw) it's true. I have never had anyone truly express romantic interest in me, as far as I know. Sure I went on that date, but that was just more for the social factor and for the guy to be less awkward in-front of his friends. Sure I am talking to guy via a dating sight, but guess what, he wants someone older to give him sage advice on being gay. What the fuck is wrong?

Am I inadequate as an individual? Am I ugly? Am I impossible to be around? I feel like I am sociable, if not a little shy. I feel like while I don't have a six pack, I am decent to look at and have potential. I think that, and this might sound vain, but I am a funny, entertaining person who is bright and easy to talk to. Am I not? Is this just self promotion. I really don't know.

I don't understand why this has been happening to me, and really only me.(1) I mean my roommates all have had multiple relationships. Does anyone know why roommates? Two of them are so fucking awkward and socially inept that I could throw a party and they would think I was moving out. How can they have found someone, multiple someones, and I have even really had a glance.

I am not asking for responses, I know everyone who reads this appreciates me and are my true friends, and I love you. I just don't get it. I loathe myself for being such a failure. I don't know what else to do. I am at a loss and I honestly think that this situation isn't going to change anytime soon. And I hate knowing that.

Fuck!

I am sorry for this. I just want someone to notice me. It's really hard to watch everyone have someone to connect to on such a deep level and be left alone to think both light and dark. I am independent and always will be, but sometimes I don't want to be.

1. (I know some here share some of this sentiment, or have opinions regarding this. Does this correlate with your feelings?)

Love you all!

PS. Anyone else think this could be a intense monologue? Eh, eh?

Madam Satan

Just some fun images. I like Madam Satan and the mario princesses. Hope everyone is well.

Spectacular! Spectacular!

So Seattle is okay. Everyone seems to be either a bad driver or a terrible pedestrian. Including my aunt. The food is good though. I don't think I could live there with my aunt. I would go insane.

Spring Break is over, I need to do some things,

-Write my mini-thesis.

-Learn Lines

-Finish messing around with the Monologues and get sides ready for auditions.

-Stop being yanked around.

I think these are fine goals. I fear that Lighting Design is going to hit me square in the face with work. Damned Ty, luring us into a sense of false ease. Oh well.

Jamika / Zaida(I think you got it though...) - Jess and Will. Chaos is just sitting on the doorstop. At least no Sunderland in this play! Though knowing him, he probably will come to rehearsal anyways. What else does he have to do?

Alessa - Will tell. You missed an interesting night.

Rant Time~!

Mother fucking Ke$ha can go crawl into a hole. I am so ready for her to stop being popular, she is just a cheap copy of my Gaga. Tik Tok was fun for a while, and Blah, Blah, Blah is fun to say, but there is no place in this pop world for her. I reject!

Tra La La La Blah, Blah, Blah. Damnit!

Vagina Monologues

So, in light of my last post, here is happier news.

Advanced Directing Scene = The Vagina Monologues

I know awesome right. Here is my idea. I want to have four characters, O (ovary): the ingenue, V (vagina): the housewife, C (cunt): the lesbian, and G (g-spot): the temptress. I have split the scenes into somewhat of discourse between the characters with some individual monologues for each character. I am terribly excited. I also have looking through music and have came up with some songs to use for preshow and such.

List:

Queen of Hearts - Juice Newton

Heart of Glass - Blondie

Hunter - Dido

You Don't Own Me - Lesley Gore

What It Feels Like For A Girl - Madonna

One Girl Revolution - Superchick

Broken Heels -Alexandra Burke

Strong Enough - Cher

Real Girl - Mutya Buena

Gypsy - Fleetwood Mac

Go Your Own Way - The Cranberries

Not all are going to be used obviously, but I like a lot them. Go Your Own Way will be the curtain call song, that is unchangable, but I want your guys opinions slash song options. I need feminist esque songs. Oui? Possible? (And no Le Tigre. I had no idea what their songs are about, I tired really, but no.

Hope you guys are doing okay. I only got a couple comments on my map. And I do it for you guys... Merp...

Status

So Dog Sees God is over. (Alessa stop reading) Thank fucking god. (Alessa begin reading again) I was very tired of being in that booth with our beloved stage manager. I mean, I like the fellow. He can be quite funny. But my god, he never needs to be in a managing position ever again. It's like giving Sunderland a lead role. Oh wait... I had to call the opening of a show because he vanished during preshow. He had open beverages near the boards, and he was allowed?!? The theatre is going downhill...

We had the cast party/Sunderland's birthday party this last Saturday night. Whole bunch of awkward. The first and second merchants decided to make it official and dance sexually, which made the abbess almost cry and the wife fume with anger. Stupid merchants. I am so tired of it all, I mean he is sort of a d-bag. I mean come on. I don't care if he looks good in a suit.

Sunderland and I are talking. Ish. Fool. Still makes me angry. Grrr.

At least I have Alessa.

Jamika! I miss you! the theatre party was nothing without you there. When can you come down again?!?

Muck, Muck, Muck.

PS: Under the Tuscan Sun is an awesome movie. And I am such a girl.

You Have Been a Bad Girl, Gaga. A Very Bad Girl. - Honey B

So yeah... Steven's not ready for sleep and bored beyond measure, so he is going to post his third blogpost of the evening. Oh wait, its morning, haha.... Here is a random factoid.

High School Musical History of Steven Richard William Stewart.

6th Grade "Lesbianism and Discovery of Music" - Sophie B. Hawkins (Lesbian Pop Singer - "Right Beside You", I just found out she did much better on the charts and was much more popular than I ever imagined. She was my idol.) Song: Right Beside You Album: Whaler

7th Grade "Coming Out through Fake Punk Girl!" Avril Lavigne (Dominated my emotions surrounding my realization of my sexuality. I was doomed to a life of frivolity and female emotion, alas! I had a whole movie planned to this album...) Song: Losing Grip (Christmas Music dominated September. I rocked out to Silent Night and such throughout middle school. Like seriously.) Album: Let Go

8th Grade "British Invasion: It Happens Once in Every Young Soul" Coldplay (I consider this my true discovery of the synthesizer. God where would I be without them? Taylor Swift loving? I shudder at that thought.) Song: Clocks (This song still makes me tingle.) Album: A Rush of Blood to the Head

9th Grade "Angst in the Land of Elves: A Gay Dork Goes Electronic Pop" The Killers (I rebelled in interesting ways, and since I thought all my friends hated The Killers for some reason, I loved them. Brandom Flowers can come and take me at anytime. Ehem!) Song: Believe Me Natalie (That album had a lot of names in the song titles, Jenny, Andy, Natalie, Mr. Brightside. Sounds like a weird breakfast club) Album: Hot Fuss

10th Grade "British Invasion Part 2: Gwyneth Paltrow is One Lucky Bitch" Coldplay (Released a new album that is still one of my favorites. I got great friends this year, so less angst, more pop.) Song: White Shadows Album: X&Y

11th Grade "Alt Insecurity and Dance Dance Revolution: Crisis of Stupidity and Bad Parenting" All American Rejects, Juliet, Hot Dance Mix 2004. (Not my best family year, but I finally started listening to actual dance music as well some electronic and alt.) Songs: Can't Take It (Rejects), New Shoes (Juliet), the first half hour of Hot Albums: Move Along, Random Order, and Hot Dance Mix 2004

12th Grade: "Happy Days in the Land of Fading Dreams and Hot Ninjas" The Killers, Enya, Tiesto (Listened and bought real bonfided dance music, went on a naturalist kick with Enya, and my favorite alt band released a new CD. All was good) Songs: Just Be (Tiesto), Shepard Moons (Enya), Read My Mind (The Killers) Albums: Just Be, Amarantine, Sam's Town

More Tomorrow! Steven Sleepy listening to Enya! Loves!

DIE-A-GRAM

So I made a map of Europe based on the different people within the theatre. I tired to the define people on their relationship as friends and such.

Alessa - Your Poland. It may sound like a slap, but it is actually a great choice. You see, I'm Polish for one. France and Poland are usually allies and France has always supported your independence and self development. Also Poland is an older European nation that went out of existence for a while, but came back with support from France, and I think that parallels to our friendship.

Jamika - I have you as Turkey, partly because you are one of the oldest non-professors in the bunch, and France and you have been close friends for a while. ;) Also knowing that you are of different racial background to us, but accepted by most everyone as a European nation. That sounded bad, but I loves you! I hope you get what I mean.

Kristina - I put you as Bulgaria because I like the city names, and I think you would too. Also you are a somewhat younger nation in Europe like the other sophomores. Also I put you as Bulgaria because you have connections to elsewhere, but are still apart of the whole and loved. And you're next to Chloe!

Bryan and Brittney - I have you being California and Washington respectively. However, you are away from our world, but stilled tied to it. Most graduates are states.

Zaida - Sorry! I just think it fits you even with you being from there. You and home isles have similar personalties I feel, beautiful, fun, grrr, and punch. Love?

I am France, cause I feel it match's my personality. If anyone would like to know why who is who, I can explain later. It makes sense, I swear.

Blah Blah Blah, I hate Ke$ha.

Here are some picture I found stumbling. I need to sleep more. Seriously.

1. Literal translation. I think it's awesome. (Oh Alessa and your sheet!)

2. I thought it was ha ha ha.

3. That's how I want to fall into a manhole. The sewer kind.

4. Mehe...

Random Update!

Dog Sees God - Alessa, you are fecking awesome. I am so happy that you were given this part, you totally deserve it, and you own it. I wish you were in Comedy, Brenna and I really need someone to hang out with. I really like Jill and Brenna in this production, both are quirky and unique in a really entertaining way. However, everyone else is sort of how they are like in real life, save Will, but there is totally some Divacarri coming out through a lot of his scenes. I don't want to watch it much anymore save for the scenes of those I mentioned, but often they have to play second fiddle to others. Sure they do funny things, but I have seen it all before. A lot. I don't need an angsty Sunderland or a high WB. Not really invigorating. Plus a certain person who sits next to me in the upper box can really shove something up his pretentious ass. My god! He is almost as angsty and bitter as Matt and CB combined with Beethoven's piano playing. Meck!

Query - So I have been talking to a boy of late, I know shocking for me right? He is young, 18, and still in high school, and I have no plans of anything. But I haven't ever received any attention from a boy, really, so I have been responding to his messages. We are running out of things to say on Facebook, and I was wondering if I should give him my number. I don't know what to do. I am just curious on opinions on this subject matter.

Hope everyone is glorious!

Picture Party Dos!

Hello everyone! Here are some more random pictures that I have found just running around on the internet. (Damn you stumbleupon!)

1. Camilla Belle - While not the greatest actress, she is pretty good and very pretty. I liked Push no matter what people say. I would cast her in something in a heart beat. She just needs the right role. Plus she can speak Portuguese. (Chris Evans in Push is delightfully yummy, and I like Dakota Fanning as pseudo-emo.)

2. Nicholas Holt - Of About A Boy fame, he is very pretty as well. I want his blue eyes to pierce my soul. Okay enough awkward.

3-6 - Just interesting images. The present and pillow ones are disturbing but intriguing? I think i stole the bacon one from someone, but I like it so yeah.

Life is good! I don't want to really give my weekend away to this show, but you guys know the joys of the theatre. Hmm... Lights suck, f.y.i.

Comedy of Errors!

Yeah I finally got cast in an official Linfield Janet directed production! I am the Courtesan in Comedy of Errors. And I have a enough lines to be a notable secondary character. I think I have a page long monologue. Woot sauce. I think this cast will be fun, if not a little dangerous with some of our more exuberant members. And I get to be dressed in drag. We will see how I do. Now Alessa and I can no longer complain about not being cast in a main-stage show here at Linfield. I know you were a tad upset about not getting called back by Janet, which I saw no reason for you not to come back, but remember you got chosen for Dog Sees God against a lot of talent, so your awesome!

Funny thing is that I will perform in drag on my birthday! It's a Sunday, but yeah!

Really excited!

I have found pictures and I want to share, if anyone cares.

Poster for Yeah Yeah Yeahs song, "Maps". I think it is the most beautiful song I have heard in a long time. I think I want this to play at my never going to happen wedding. "They don't love you like I love you." Random romantic moment.

I like the goth look on a girl, I want to design a costume that is similar to that picture. Plus it has a kitty in it. I love kitties!

Lady Gaga in the "Telephone" video. I want it to come out so bad!!! Damned delays. Friday morning, Friday morning!!!

Apparently that was a site's philosopher raptor pondering. I thought it was hilarious.

That is from my favorite song right now, Flashback, by Calvin Harris. Tis rad. And yes I used rad.

Zooey Deschanel is downright beautiful. I would probably have her babies if she asked me. If I have a celebrity female crush, it would be her. I think its the eyes. Oh blue eyes. I also like Anne Hathaway, especially this picture, but I don't want to have her babies.

I want to try to do this more, so yeah!

Everyone is Awesome

In our circle of bloggers. I love you all. Just thought you should know.

Here are some heartbeats for y'all. This is the only Lady Gaga and heartish image I could find surprisingly. I mean she has worn everything else.

LOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Matthew Sunderland. You can fucking die. I have no idea what makes you so entitled to believe what you believe about the nature of human friendships. I guess it comes from you upbringing. Your parents truly fucked up, because whatever you think is normal and acceptable behavior is just ridiculously not. I have stood by throughout these last two and half years as a blind fool, defending your stupid choices and remaining your ally when I clearly shouldn't have. You have used me as a means to mediate your anger and angst, often not caring about how I felt about the matter, and ignored everything that I have ever told you. Last semester, you were being downright annoying and disrespecting to me. So I lashed out in really the only way I had, through banning you from the dressing room. You were not welcomed by actors in the dressing room, you got in the way of our work, and were downright distasteful around people in sensitive situations. Why the fuck did you have to be backstage when you weren't doing anything for show? You were the assistant lighting designer, weren't you suppose to go watch the play? I'll admit I was bitter of against you for dropping me as your dominate male friend for Chris Forrer, but I came to realize you only used me as something to make yourself feel better.

THEN you decide to cause all hell among everyone else while not saying a word to Alessa or I. You got your way, as usual, cause apparently you're so bloody special. And then you couldn't understand why I was so angry at you? Really? REALLY? I however decided to let that slide as usual because I am meek.

Dog Sees God - You shouldn't be CB. It was a terrible choice. But whatever, not your fault I guess. However you would constantly flaunt your victory around me. You know I wanted the part more than I had ever wanted something at our stupid school. But as usual, you got what you wanted, and you made everyone know it. Why did you need take your script to the pool, when we were swimming? There was no reason you needed to learn lines around us. We were playing marco polo. Don't think that I am that stupid to not know what you were doing.

Finally the whole towel thing. I allowed you into my apartment on the basis of you not even going near Garrett's things. I thought it would be good for you to get over your irrational need to destroy him. However you are just as petty as you ever have been. You went and rubbed your penis or peed on his towel. But first you couldn't figure out which towel was his, so you took a random guess and told me that you had done it to my towel. AND THEN YOU EXPECTED ME TO BE OKAY WITH IT?!? You were a fucking douche bag and you abused my trust.

Then last night. You were not the victim. I banned you from my room because you did something truly douchy and I couldn't trust you to be a decent person over here. And then you said something petty about me being banned from your apartment, and I didn't want to spend time with you. You called Amanda and yelled at her, and she hung up. And yet your feelings have been hurt and I am destroying our friendship?

Oh no sir. I am done. I have had to carry you across oceans of hate and negativity, and for what? To be treated like a large pile of compost to be burned? I don't deserve this. Amanda, Alessa, everyone you have ever treated like this doesn't deserve this. I will admit it, and I don't care if you are offended or hurt by it. YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING.

I am not perfect. I have been pretty douchy and self centered in my life. But nowhere as cruel and maleficent as you. I am done being your friend. I can't coddle you any longer. I have not the love or patience anymore. I use to be a better person, you have made me worse. I am done.

Scientologists
Circle I Limbo

Osama bin Laden
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

George Bush
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

General asshats
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Objectivists
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Creationists
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

The New York Yankees
Circle VII Burning Sands

Rednecks
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Republicans
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Flashback!

Tra la la la. Tis the beginning of a new semester, and I haven't posted in ages so I think it's time to pander on for a couple pages about myself. Yeah narcissism! I kid, I kid. Blogging is so invigorating!

(It helps that it's six in the morning.)

Wonderful things of the moment:

1. Lady Gaga - Even though she got cheated when it came to the televised show and Taylor Swift is a perky little douche bag, my dear empress is still going strong. Bad Romance is lasting, but I feel Telephone is on the fringe as replacing it as her single that is popular. I swear her and the Black Eyed-Peas are the are in a race to milk the most out of their respective audiences. Oh and the Peas should have won some more Grammys. Fucking Taylor Swift and Kings of Leon, how drawl. (Beyonce was worthy though.)

2. Lord of the Rings - I just took a LOTR literature class this Jan Term, and while I hated reading Sir Gawain and Beowulf, being the class nerd on the subject brought me great satisfaction. Kernberger is always a kook and it was very entertaining. I wish I was able to write fiction, I have so many ideas but none of those can formulate into actual writing. Sigh.

3. Dance Music in general. I have found some great songs. I feel like I need to move to Europe to find some with my interest in the music, but I think an American Dance movement is starting. Case in point the impact of Lady Gaga on music. I can hear the synthesizer in music becoming dominate. Shudder of Delight.

4. TV. Caprica is turning out to be a great show, none of you here would care because it's science fiction and I know your general opinion about scifi, but it is pretty amazing especially their portrayal of homosexuality. I can't wait for Glee to return!

Sucky and Destructive right now.

-1. Matt Sunderland. No he hasn't done anything malicious or really that callous, he is just being his normal depressing and cocky self. He keeps flaunting his position in the play around me, tugging around his script to places like the pool and the workout room. Why? To bother me of course, cause he knows how much I wanted that role and he just wants to flaunt the fact that you are apparently better. And the sad thing, is I don't think he does it intentionally all the time. I am just bothered by it. Dirty Whore. I do talk about him a lot I released. It's rather sad that he is one of my main conversation topics. I need a boy friend.

-2. Speaking of Boyfriends, WTF WORLD?!? Angst! Angry blog post!

Where is anyone for me, hmm? I mean that just doesn't want a quick fuck or lives in Nevada? I know I am not that hideous but I seem to be one of the few ones in this world who probably be alone for the rest of my life. I think that will be the case. And I sort of don't care, but I would like some attention. Hell apparently even Sunderland can get some to pay attention to him. What the fuck is wrong with me. Maybe I need more guy friends.

Other Thoughts.

A. I think I am going to try do selections from the Vagina Monologues for my advanced directing showcase (This is why I don't have a boyfriend...). I hope Janet lets me, I mean I don't cause problems, I am courteous and hard working, and this would be challenge for me. Let's have our fingers crossed!

B. I got food stamps! Yeah Food! I almost starved this Jan term cause of my stupidity. (Okay not starved, I have very generous benefactors who I love). I am such a welfare baby.

I hope everyone is well. I need to go to sleep now it is late/early. Oh and ps. I think I have a crush on Adam Lambert... (SHAME!)

LOVES
(lusts)