Plant

So... I did something devious this week. Nothing too bad, like bank robbery or online dating, but I totally did one of two things I thought I would never do. I wasn't peer pressured, I just was interested about what I would actually be like and I was in the safest setting possible.

To make the story short, I didn't feel much different from normal. I mean, I felt more uninhibited to say things, I couldn't sing What Is This Feeling properly, and I consumed a box of mozzarella sticks, a cheeseburger, quarter of a box of kix, a gigantic wheel of shrimp, and a large bag of rolls in an hour. I may have not done it properly, but everyone said I was, so yeah. I don't know what the big deal is. And it made my feet terribly cold for hours.

I guess everything around me was a little more funny. It just wasn't that eventful. I don't get the hype.

I hope all of you won't judge. Some of you can't or you would fuzzy hypocrites ;) , but the others... It was just a spur of the moment thing.

I don't know if I would do it again. Perhaps. Perhaps not. I still don't know what the big deal is. And I want to know why it is illegal, besides the fact that it makes you idiotic? I mean I wouldn't want people to drive, but you don't have people drive when their drunk, or they get arrested, or get themselves and others killed. I do think our country is idiotic.

The Fame Monster is the Best, FYI.

My family is strange. Nothing more to that, they just are.

Hope everyone is well!

Fame Monster!

Hey Guys!
I am better! Thanks for all the reassuring comments, it really means a lot. I just had my thrice yearly week of angst, so I can be better now. (I still want to punch Matt Sunderland in the face, but that is a common thing, so yah!) Just have to spend time with the relations, which is oh joy, but yeah. It's been a good weekend just doing nothing. I mean I was suppose to do work, but I have time later this week to do it, right?

So guess what? THE FUCKING FAME MONSTER, THE BEST SECOND ALBUM OF ALL TIME, is out today. I could order it online if I had itunes money. I am going to buy it today, no matter how much I am going to get lectured by my overbearing aunt on expenses. I am currently loving four of the eight songs and two of the others are growing on me, so I think it is going to be a success.

I don't understand why I love Lady Gaga so much? I mean I have never been this excited about an artist before. Ever. I mean, I know all the The Killers and Coldplay songs by heart, and I bought their new albums. (Which I think people should buy the albums of those artists you love) But with Lady Gaga I want so much more. I want all the t-shirts. I want the collector's addition CD set. I want the lock of one of her wigs. I am fucking creepy. AND I LOVE IT! This is a wondrous obsession and I don't want to change it, I just want to know what switched inside of my head to love her. I guess it is probably a gay thing. And I finally truly understand the obsession of the old queens with Judy Garland, Cher, and all those wondrous women.

My favorite songs are Bad Romance, Alejandro, Monster, and most especially, Dance in the Dark. I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED!

I get to see my high school group this weekend. And by group I mean my two best friends from home. For some reason I had very few friends in high school, and then when I get here, I know every fucking person on campus. (ish, usually in a dorky way)

So blech, I need to sleep some before my aunt comes to get me. Or not sleep. Who knows!

Hope everyone is well!
And Alessa, I'm thankful for your flipping sexy face! Sorry, want to respond in some manner.
LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bitterness.

So I probably had the worst audition experience I have ever had. I wasn't even called back. I mean I am almost never cast in anything of worth, but I am almost always called back. That really burned. I haven't been so disappointed with an audition in my life. I wanted CB so bad. I release I probably had a bad audition, I typically do better with a second audition night, but I didn't think I did that bad. And to top it off, he got the role. The one person I didn't want to get it. Am I suppose to be happy for him? It's not like he took it away from me, but really, him?

I feel like I am always second class. The one time I thought I could get a role, I fucking failed, horribly. I spent the entire night feeling rejected and I looked back at myself, and saw all the points when I have been rejected in my life. I couldn't sleep. I haven't ever really felt like that. And the thing is, it was him who got it. I mean he gets tossed around a lot verbally, but he is allowed to do so much, not go to class, not do homework, not be a decent person, yet he still is the favorite, the one who gets the roles, the better grades, the privileges. I don't get it at all.

The worst thing about this entire situation is having to hear everyone talk about it with me around, even with them knowing my feelings about it. It was just mean.

I want someone. I am so tired of being alone. Everyone who has been in relationship has told me you don't know what your missing so your better off. Your terrible liars, you know. I obviously have never really had anyone interested in me. There is a reason that all my friends are girls, or too effeminate to date. I am fairly certain that I will remain single for the most of my life, and realizing that is sort of crushing.

Pretty much, I hate life right now. I haven't really hated life before, even after my Grandma died, I still had hope for better times. I don't have that right now. I miss her, she always so supportive, no matter, what. I knew she unconditionally loved me. I don't know that with my other relatives save for my siblings, but were just so different from each other...

I am sorry for the rant. You guys are great to me all the time. I cherish you all, and I am not talking about you.

Sorry Alessa. You did great and you deserve this. Your going to have a great time, and your going to be wondrous, I just know it. You should ignore this blog. BE HAPPY! PS. You and Jamika are saving me this semester.

Zaida- Why are you not here!? I know, it's not your choice, but god sometimes...

I don't like being sad. I usually able to shut off mind from my problems. What is wrong with me? Fucking Katie Karen.

(Lady Gaga's Fame Monster comes out next week, that is the highlight of this month by far.)

Loves, I think.

Bad Romance

Hey everybody!
Long time, no blog. I believe I missed the entire month of October. Any who it was a pretty sucky month overall so whatever.

News from the land of Steven:
- We finished our white model in Scenic Design. Pretty sure Ty hates it, but whatever, it took a good forty eight hours of my life so he can just suck it. Yeah Alessa, mid-morning nights!
- Cast my directing scene! Will Bailey and freshman, Daphne Dosset, an alliteration amiga. I don't think Will Bailey likes me very much, and he doesn't seem excited, but whatever.
- I want to fucking murder Sunderland. Not really news, but it's a bit more fiery nowadays.

So that it what is going on right this moment. I am really tired of school. Blech! It's not even the work, really. I have done everything so far and am doing well, I believe. I am just worn out for the lack of free time. And usually I am the first to admit that I spend a copious amount of time doing nothing. Not really the case right now. Guess I need to be a semi-serious layabout the be happy, no?

In better visions, The FAME MONSTER is coming out this month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so fucking excited, I can barely contain it. I love Bad Romance, especially the more and more that I listen to it. It is so god damned catchy. Lady Gaga, je t'adore. I really want the shirt, Cd deal thing, but my money is running low cause of my idiot aunt. But I want it!

Blech. I also hate relationships. People are so fucking screwy sometimes. Sorry to you all, but damn, can't you deal with your problems without causing such a ruckus and being complete dicks to each other, I mean come on. (This probably why I haven't had a relationship, nor will have one anytime soon.)

GOD!
At least I have Lady Gaga.
ra...ra....romama...ga...ga..