Music and Breaking

Billboard Charts: April 25, 2010

1. Help I'm Alive (The Twelves Remix) - Metric new! P:1 W:1 18

2. Heavy Cross (Fred Falke Remix) - The Gossip same P:1 W:4 45

3. Hide and Seek (Tiesto Iso Remix) - Imogen Heap down 2 P:1 W:3 38

4. Alligator (Passion Pit Remix) - Tegan & Sara up 2 P:4 W:2 22

5. Flashback - Calvin Harris ft. Ayah new! P:5 W:1 195

6. Bad Romance - Lady GaGa down 3 P:3 W:4 240

7. Map (Elite Force Remix) - YYYs down 2 P:5 W:4 78

8. Just Dance - Lady GaGa down 4 P:4 W:3 132

9. Dance In The Dark - Lady GaGa same P:9 W:3 145

10. It's Too Late - Dirth South vs. Evermore new! P:10 W:1 14

Boiling Under:

Telephone - Lady GaGa

Feel It In My Bones - Tiesto ft. Tegan & Sara

Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha ft. 3oh!3

Believe - Cher

Starstrukk - 3oh!3 ft. Katy Perry

Music is based on some dance songs that I have recently found. Lady GaGa will probably have a resurgence next week.

So I am trying something. I am ignoring Matthew Sunderland.I want our friendship to fade. I am going to try my hardest to ignore him, and not engage him as a friend or equal. He does not deserve my friendship. He has never done anything to earn my friendship. I began it as a means to incorporate it into the theatre, and to explore my options. He didn't help me gain friends, nor has he given me anything in my life save for a few spaced Dr. Pepper's and grief. I am done. I am not going to confront him. I am just going to avoid him and be civil but distant. This probably won't work, but I am going to try.

I want this semester to proceed. I want this show to go up and all go well. I am far too worn out. BUT JAMIKA IS COMING AND IT'S GOING TO BE F*ING AMAZING! WOOOT SAUCE!

Worn and Torn. But still Bright!

Let's just say I am a tad bit worn out.

There are two people who won't just leave me alone. I am a social person, I like to spend a lot of time around people. I also hope that if I have ever get annoying people would tell me. But I would really like some breathing room at times.

First there is Sunderland. The damned fly won't go away. I don't even make an attempt to pay attention to him anymore and he is everywhere. I can't escape him. He just pesters and belittles and bothers and I just want to squish him. He is probably the most skilled annoyance that I have ever met. My nonexistent god!

Then there is Brenna... I feel bad saying this, but I am spending too much time with her. She and I have gotten close, but she wants to go everywhere and do everything with me. I love spending time with her, but I also like to have some alone time. But we are always together and I think it's partly my fault. She gets attached and I enjoy that attachment. I just need a little space... And I feel like a douche for think about that.

I want to spend time with other people. I haven't seen Amanda even that much. It has just been those two really. Alessa spend more time at the theatre! No, it's okay. I won't wish that upon you. Thank again the nonexistent god that Jamika is coming down... I might go more nuts than I already am. I need a foil!!!!

All that sounded rather petty, I'm sure. Sorry!

Oh and the play sucks now. My eye candy dropped the play for a jazz solo, and I have never hated the music department more. I was grumpy all evening. Will loses his pizazz after you spend forty billion hours with the fellow.

Merp. Disdainful staring.

I also sort of hate being gay sometimes. Not because I hate being gay, I as usual get depressed at the lack of men. Going to fusion events makes me feel inadequate as person. Can I go and hit happy couples? (SAVE ALESSA) MARGH!

Alright I am done. I really have nothing bad going on. I just like blogging too much. Love, my beloved people. Yeah Redundancy!

Billboard 4/17

Hot 1o:
1. Hide and Seek (Tiesto Iso Remix) - Imogen Heap 18 up 9 P:1 W:2
2. Heavy Cross (Fred Falke Remix) - The Gossip 35 down 1 P:1 W:3
3. Bad Romance - Lady GaGa 236 up 3 P:3 W:3
4. Just Dance - Lady GaGa 129 up 5 P:4 W: 2
5. Maps (Elite Force Remix) YYY's 76 same P:5 W:3
6. Alligator (Passon Pit Remix) - Tegan & Sara 5 new! P:6 W:1
7. Starstrukk - 3oh!3 ft. Katy Perry 9 up 1 P:7 W:3
8. Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha ft. 3oh!3 12 down 6 P:3 W:2
9. Dance In The Dark - Lady GaGa 140 return P:9 W:2
10. Believe - Cher 20 new! P:10 W:1

Bubbling Under:
Evacuate The Dancefloor (Radio Edit) - Cascada
Feel It In My Bones - Tiesto ft. Tegan & Sara
Telephone - Lady GaGa & Beyonce

The music of my week. Highly influenced by the Night of Noise Dance Party that occurred last evening. Great fun. Danced for three hours straight, and some theatre people showed for a bit.

School is okay. I don't want to do any work, I have no desire to do anything... Not good. Need to clean room and such.

Blech. But I am still happy, though. And my cast is going to be amazing. Laura, Bree, Ellen, and McKenna. Woot!
Happy Week!

Billboard Music Charts - Week 2

Alternative Top Ten:

1. Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 201

2. Hell - Tegan & Sara 175

3. Zero - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 153

4. Daylight - Matt & Kim 117

5. Soft Shock - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 115

6. Viva la Vida - Coldplay 113

7. Bling (Confession of a King) - The Killers 91

8. When You Where Young - The Killers 86

9. Spaceman - The Killers 79

10. Into The Ocean - Blue October 76

Read My Mind - The Killers

Dull Life - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Dragon Queen - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Hot 10:

1. Heavy Cross (Fred Falke Remix) - Gossip 29 same P:1 W:2

2. Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha ft. 3oh!3 5 New! P:2 W:1

3. Telephone - Lady GaGa & Beyonce 109 down 1 P:2 W:2

4. Every Breath You Take - The Police 1 New! P:4 W:1

5. Maps (Elite Force Remix) - YYY's 71 down 2 P:3 W:2

6. Bad Romance - Lady GaGa 231 up 1 P:6 W:2

7. Boom Boom Boom - Vengaboys 1 New! P:7 W:1

8. Starstrukk - 3oh!3 ft. Katy Perry 5 up 2 P:8 W:2

9. Just Dance - Lady GaGa 127 New! P:9 W:1

10. Hide and Seek (Tiesto Remix) - Imogen Heap 3 New! P:10 W:1

Boiling Under:

Evacuate The Dancefloor (Radio Edit) - Cascada

Feel It In My Bones (feat. Tegan and Sara) - Tiesto

So I like to make lists about music. I really like going to Billboard and looking at the charts. Mostly to see how my Lady is doing, but also just to look at the numbers. So I am going to try to do this each week to gage my music. The top list is based on the play numbers in my itunes, and the bottom list is based on play numbers as well as personal importance. I had a lot of fun making the chart. So I am going to make a mini-billboard. You guys can chime in with your own music, and we can have a voting thing! Or not. I just like making the charts!

Auditions are tomorrow. Finally. Alessa, watch out for Sunderland. He really wants Chris. I told him to do everything in his power to comprise his choices, but as usual he will probably ignore my advice. I will aid you as I can, but this is a fight that I wouldn't wish on anyone. We will see what goes down. But I am here for you girl. We will talk tomorrow.

I want a good cast! I am just happy they are happening. This waiting has been killing me.

Zaida, I am so excited that your show is going well! I wish we could all see it. Rock, girl!

Kristina, you petty thief! I like you!

Chloe, I comprehended this time. You seemed to be having a rave of a time in Japan. Don't go too crazy on making friends. It is said you only can remember two hundred people really, and you seem to have fifty alone in your first few weeks...

Jamika, WAAHH, I's wants yous heres!!! I hope all is okay.

Ke$ha, get out of my head!

Hogswash!

Grrr... Why does everyone need to be crappy in April? Spring weariness? Lack of sun? I don't know, but I am sure tired of this bull. I am happy god dammit, no matter how much I complain. Why does everyone need to spread their shit around?

First point - Sunderland. (Who else?) Apparently his roommates have basically said that he can't live with him next year. Why? Cause he is Sunderland, and that would wear on anyone. So he asked me today to room with him. Ignoring the disastrous situation that was last year's planning, I had already snagged a Mr. Aerni as a roommate. Sunderland thus proceeded to make me feel like crap for rejecting him, even though I have known that I was living with Jesse for ages. Then he goes into how he needs to get a summer job, and that I should room with him on campus. I then bring up the point that Bree will be living illegally with me for a portion of the summer. He then pulls the better friend card on me. Pshaw? When did he think he had the gall to purchase one of those? Bree can be flaky, but at least she doesn't actively treat me like shit, and then expect me to be one her side a day later. This is the same exact bullshit that I get every other week from this boob. Why do I take it? I guess I just like to be punished. I don't know. God I want to punch him.

Second point - Theatrical weird. Nick and Andrew hate Sunderland, and vice-a-versa. Chris Forrer has become emo apparently. Will and Jess are an awkward couple. Chloe is gone. (Poopy, Chloe, poopy.) Ty is done with a majority of students. Janet is utterly apathetic and crazy. Everything is topsy turvy. I don't understand what is in the air. I am having a blast. I get to go shopping with Alethia, be a drag queen with lines in a play, direct something that I am terribly excited about; everything is going great. I even have a new crush. Not anything fancy, but something to preoccupy my fantasies in my gay-less world. People just need to learn how to be better humans. Fail, Fail, Fail.

Ironically I should be doing homework. I need to write my stupid history paper, I have a month, but I have a lot to do... Pshaw... (New favorite word, fyi.)

Alessa- I think Janet might actually recast Pinch, and you are really the only one who is available and capable and she made a point to tell me that she knows you would want it. I vote yes, yes, YES! We would have a scene together! I know you're busy with wedding stuff, but you should totally do it anyway. Time commitment would be minor, and you would have a ball. Hopefully Kriss Morton doesn't show up anytime soon! (I doubt it.)

Let's also talk about friends I have made these last two weeks. Bailey (who is very witty), Paige, Mckenna, Ashleigh. I can get almost any female to be my bossism buddy. I wish I had this skill with men...

A Ke$ha song invaded my life today. I am disappointed with myself... Blah, Blah, Blah...

Sparkle brightly me dear friends. I missth the days of our noon, but I know our stars will align again!

Billboard Music Charts - For Steven Stewart

Top 20 in Itunes

1. Feel It In My Bones : Tiësto ft. Tegan and Sara 268

2. Bad Romance : Lady Gaga 231

3. Lovegame (Chew Fu Ghettohouse Fix) : Lady Gaga ft. Marilyn Manson 230

4. Not Alone (Deadmau5 Remix) : Gianluca Motta ft. Molly 228

5. I Will Be Here : Tiësto & Sneaky Sound System 222

6. Escape Me : Tiësto ft. C.C. Sheffield 220

7. The Longest Road (Deadmau5 Remix) : Morgan Page 218

8. Century : Tiësto ft. Calvin Harris 216

9. You Are My Diamond : Tiësto ft. Kianna 210

10. Heads Will Roll : Yeah Yeah Yeahs 201

11. Fire : Ferry Corsten 200

12. Into the Nightlife : Cyndi Lauper 191

13. Beautiful : Ferry Corsten 182

14. Flashback : Calvin Harris ft. Ayah 177

15. Hell : Tegan and Sara 175

16. Hold On To Me : Armin van Buuren 168

17. Zero : Yeah Yeah Yeahs 153

18. So Happy I Could Die : Lady Gaga 143

19. Allein Allein : Polarkreis 18 138

20: Monster : Lady Gaga 137

Lady Gaga dominates the top fifty along with Tiësto. Amount of times listened to song.

Hot 10:

1. Heavy Cross (Fred Falke Remix) : Gossip 24

2. Telephone : Lady Gaga 108

3. Maps (Elite Force Re-Fix) : Yeah Yeah Yeahs 71

4. Go Your Own Way : The Cranberries 17

5. Real Girl : Mutya Buena 28

6. When Love Takes Over : David Guetta ft. Kelly Rowland 130

7. Bad Romance : Lady Gaga 231

8. Walking On A Dream : Empire of the Sun 125

9. Dance In The Dark : Lady Gaga 137

10. Starstrukk : 30h!3 ft. Katy Perry 2

My current musical fetishes of the week.

I know a lot of this music you guys won't know, but I got bored so yeah! You should do it too. We should have a music exchange! Plus love the alien picture.

Je sais.

So I had something else up, and I meant it, but I have something more, so yeah.

What I meant to do with this blog is express my frustration, not really at relationship issues in general but more at my jealously of the gays on campus who seem to have men be thrown at them. I recently learned that my former roommate got a boy friend. This is his third since coming out. I have been out for three years longer then him, and I know I was far more sure about what it meant to be a gay man well before he did. Yet I am the alone one, and he is able to samooze three guys in a limited amount of time. I don't mean to be critical of him, he is a good guy and deserves a man, it just frustrates me. I made it bigger than it was, I know.

I am... uncomfortable around men. I have limited male friends. Perhaps some of you guys have noticed that I am quite adept at the touching of the female sex. It's how I express my affection, usually the more I touch, the more comfortable I am with you and the more I enjoy being around you. I usually respect boundaries and engage in semi-appropriate behavior, and I sometimes abuse my right, but I mean it only in an affectionate way. If anyone pays really close attention, you would also notice, I never do that men. I mean never. Not even ones that I have formed close bonds that would never amount to a sensual relationship. And I also abhor being touched by others unknowingly, and even when I know, only a select group have that privilege. I don't really understand this.

You may be wondering why this matters, and why I am ranting about this? I think its why I don't engage with men in general save for the exceptions that I have built up the courage and stamina to handle. I think this is why I haven't found someone. I know everyone has been talking about how McMinnville is the crap hole for finding partners, and while I agree, there are people here. I could have tried more to be in Portland. I mean, I went to the most liberal high school in Portland, and yes even though I was an awkward kid, I am sure I could have found something. I had great friends who would have prevented the stigma and would have supported me.

I look at my male friends, and I sigh. I can list them all, and not just casual class going comrades. As of current, I would say; Matt, and the Chris' are my available male friends. Before this year, I would have added Jesse, Bryan, and occasionally the elder Matt. But apparently, Jesse and I were just really convenient and compatible roommates who held no basis for retaining our friendship beyond our mutual female friends, Bryan is off in Korea, and Matt is austere in the way that he handles his friendships. My current list is intriguing in its nature because, lets face it, they are oft effeminate men, no matter how they try to hide it. I have always been friends with the men who sort of acted like girls in the way in which they approached the world and their conflicts in that world.

Sorry for the downpour of emotion and personal mental conflict. Life right now is actually going really well. The play is a hoot, and I am really excited about Vagina monologues. I have amazing people around me. You guys are truly wonderful and I am blessed, not matter where you are or what you are doing, to have you in my life. I just feel like something is missing.

Thanks for listening. I have written so many things this last month, it's ridiculous.

PS:

Zaida: I know, you were the exception to my rule. Tu comprehends. Bother me more. I suck at phone conversationals. People can tell about that. Plus I wish you could be here so we would have a majority in our class and vote Sunderland off the island. Right now, we don't have a majority vote.

Kristina: Smooh. You should dumb down your writing a bit. I feel like I am reading a piece for a Kernberger class. I kid, I kid. Never stop being high minded and articulate. Miss your bod.

Alessa: Keep trunking Gunther. I see you all the time, give you insipiring comment in person, y'a lucky bitch. :)

Emily: I miss your European trotting face. I feel like I need to come kick some froppy French man's ass. First and last time that will be said.

Jamika: What you doing? Haven't heard from you. Lame.

Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.